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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up – August 2016

Shoplifter Runs over Employee with Electric Scooter

Watching somebody roll through Walmart on an electric scooter looking for bargains on oversized containers of cheese balls isn’t news. But it’s not every day that you see a man use the scooter to escape the discount store after first running over an employee who tried but failed to stop him from stealing.

How have we not seen that in 29 seasons of “Cops”? Even crazier than the man’s ability to make it out of the Tucson Walmart? You guessed it: Police still haven’t caught the guy, and he was so handicapped or injured that he was carrying crutches with him on top of needing an electric scooter to get from point A to point B. So if you’re keeping score at home, a man who needs crutches and an electric scooter to get around was able to do what Heisman Trophy winner and NFL Hall of Fame running back O.J. Simpson couldn’t do in a Ford Bronco, and that of course is outrun the law. [Source:]

Accused Thief Says the Stupidest Thing Possible to Arresting Officers

After being arrested Friday for stealing items from a jeweler in a Florida mall, Prolancia Aquila Turner, 26, was upset. Not at herself, of course, for hiding earrings valued at $12.50 in the waistband of her pants. Instead, the “crying and angry” Turner, 26, was miffed because, as she told police, “Everyone steals from this store. Why are you picking on me?”   Turner was charged with retail theft for pilfering the merchandise from a Claire’s outlet in a Vero Beach mall. She is scheduled for a June 7 court appearance in connection with the misdemeanor count. Turner’s rap sheet includes two other theft arrests, both in 2015. It is unknown whether she considers those collars equally unjust as her latest bust. [Source:]

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Drunk Man Stumbles into Police Car Thinking It’s a Cab… Lands in Jail

A man in Toronto was having a bad evening Saturday when he started walking down the street drunk. While the drunk man may have had every intention of safely taking a cab home, his drunken state instead landed him in the back of a police car, and later, he found himself in jail. According to the Star, the drunk man was clearly intoxicated last night as he walked down the street and eventually helped himself to the backseat of a police car. If you are thinking he would be rewarded for being responsible, you would be mistaken.

Police say the man got into the car while an officer was filling up gas in the police station garage. “Upon investigation, the man was then arrested for an outstanding warrant.” It is unknown what the warrant was for, but it’s clear that the drunk man made the wrong move climbing into the back of a police car.  [Source:]

Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans while Shoplifting! Man Arrested Trying to Fit $300 Worth of Soap, Shampoo and Detergent in His Pants

A would-be shoplifter has been arrested after trying to stuff a whole cart’s worth of hygiene products down his pants. Gary Johnson, 27, was tackled to the ground outside a Kroger store in Memphis, Tennessee, on Saturday after trying to make off with more than $300 worth of goods. It is perhaps unsurprising that Johnson was spotted by security after attempting to fit multiple packs of soap, several bottles of shampoo and conditioner, and detergent into his skinny jeans.

According to WREG, Johnson had two trash bags lining either leg of his pants and was dropping items inside as he made his way around the store. Video of the arrest shows Johnson laying on the ground outside the store as a security guard pins him to the concrete. Surrounding him are a large group of people all laughing at his over-stuffed pants, which are already spilling their contents on to the sidewalk. [Source: The Daily Mail]

Boston Police Add $89,000 Ice Cream Truck to Patrol Fleet

The truck, adorned with balloons and Boston police decals, was introduced Monday at police headquarters in the city’s Roxbury neighborhood. It will be used as part of “Operation Hoodsie Cup,” a community policing initiative that has distributed roughly 120,000 free ice cream cups since 2010.

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Commissioner William Evans says he would’ve called you crazy if you told him 30 years ago that the BPD would have an ice cream truck as part of its fleet, but the goodwill it generates is “undeniable.” The truck was purchased by the Boston Police Foundation. Local dairy company HP Hood has donated all of the ice cream for distribution.  [Source:]


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