Coronavirus has taken a lot from us: jobs, social lives, dining out, fun. But none of these losses has been so panic-inducing as the right to buy toilet paper when we need it. If you thought your neighbor who stockpiled 100 rolls of Charmin Ultra Soft as soon as the president declared the COVID-19 pandemic a national emergency was bad, you haven’t heard the worst of it.
Last week, deputies with the Guilford County Sheriff’s Office – Specialized Enforcement Unit began following an 18-wheel tractor-trailer for unspecified reasons (must’ve been a hunch) along Interstate 40 in Whitsett, North Carolina. The vehicle came to a stop at a warehouse, where deputies confronted the driver and quickly realized the 53-foot Hyundai was stolen – and being used to move 18,000 pounds of bathroom paper products.
While no arrests have been made and the investigation is ongoing, we’d like to think what really happened is that the deputies struck a deal with the driver and divvied up all that TP so each was properly prepared for the coronavirus apocalypse. Stealing toilet paper is a crappy thing to do, but in dire times like these, you have to do whatever’s necessary to cover your a**… Mandatory