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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up – March 2016

Has Anyone Seen My Keys??
Yakima police are looking for a man and woman who robbed one mini-mart and possibly tried to rob a second one over the weekend. A couple with their faces covered entered a convenience store, but when the store clerk ran to another room they left without any money, according to police. They also said store cameras captured a picture of one of the robbers, who had removed his mask when he returned to the store for car keys that had been left behind. The pair was last seen in a silver 2000 BMW four-door with chrome rims and blue-tinted headlights, the release said. Anyone with information should call 911.

Sex Toys, Earrings and a $29 Engagement Ring… Who Says Romance Is Dead??
A Michigan man who proposed to his girlfriend at Walmart, then allegedly stole sex toys from a nearby business and fell asleep while tying his shoes is in more trouble after missing a court date. William J. Cornelius Jr., 25, was scheduled to appear before a district judge to accept or reject a plea offer. Cornelius failed to show, though. The couple’s romantic evening began with them visiting Walmart where he bought an engagement ring for $29.62, then asked a customer service worker to read a proposal note over the public address system, asking his girlfriend to marry him. Before leaving Walmart, she allegedly stole a pair of gold earrings and a silver necklace say police. The couple then went to Spencer’s Gifts where sheriff’s deputies allege they stole a watch, an edible thong, a sex toy, panties and sex candy valued at $80.93. They fled the store before deputies’ arrival, but the woman was found walking between Bob Evans and Taco Bell, followed by a Spencer’s employee. Deputies found Cornelius in the mall’s food court, asleep at a table with the laces of his shoes between his fingers, records show. They found the purloined Spencer’s items on him.

A Charitable Norwegian Real Estate Broker
Vemund Thorkildsenis being praised after he found almost $40,000 hidden underneath the fireplace of his new apartment and donated all of it to a charity. Thorkildsen told The Associated Press on Tuesday that he made the discovery as he showed his newly purchased Oslo apartment to a friend two weeks ago. After the story was first reported by Norwegian newspaper Dagbladet on Monday he has been flooded with phone calls, text messages and comments on social media from friends and strangers complementing him for his honesty. “A lot of people say that they would have done the same thing and that’s good to hear,” Thorkildsen said. “That gives you faith in humanity.”

- Digital Partner -

Protecting the “Crown Jewels”
Students have invented “Crown Jewels Underwear” to protect men from mobile phone radiation that could reduce their sperm count. A recent Israeli study showed electromagnetic radiation from phones can damage male virility. To combat the rays, graduates from Munich Business School in Germany designed boxers with material incorporating silver wire, which blocks the radiation pulses. The inventors are Peer-Boy Matthiesen, 34, Daniel Herter, 31, Nick Piepenburg, 31, and Berno Delius, also 31, all graduates from the Munich Business school. All say they now wear the anti-radiation shorts under their trousers. “The initial sales have been encouraging, certainly enough for us to keep going. It is a project from the heart,” said Piepenburg.

“Dumb Burglar” Drops ID at Crime Scene

Someone snuck into Parrish Mitchell’s garage in downtown Macon and stole a $300 leaf blower. But something the culprit left behind may prove more valuable to the police. About daybreak, Mitchell, noticed someone had been in his garage. He looked around at his tools and other belongings and didn’t see anything else missing. Then he saw something on the floor: a wallet. Mitchell handed it and the wallet to the cops. “When you leave your ID at the scene of the crime and then try to return to the scene of the crime to retrieve your ID, and then still don’t steal anything else, it’s like, ‘How dumb can you be?'” He was still on the lam Wednesday afternoon, but was already facing the music thanks to Mitchell’s wife. They’d snapped a picture of the driver’s license before giving it to the police. Mitchell’s wife posted the photo on social media. “Facebook justice,” Mitchell said, “is always fun.”

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